quiet asterisk
Old Voice September 2021 4 min read

Love

Everyone falls for the first sight.
It’s the second sight that sends the bill.

On a Rhode Island winter morning, I sat on a bench with a notebook and wrote about a kiss that never happened .. I was alone, I was staring at the sky, and I was sure someone would walk in any minute .. the waitress at local restaurant, the colleague at work ..

my naive brain believes in a love story .. countless movies and books have added to this euphoria .. a beautiful someone just walks in and turns your life upside down .. Damasio argues that feeling comes before reasoning, and I’m happy to report my brain has never once disagreed ..

surprisingly, all my stories also end in a tragedy ..

Alone and lonely was I
Seated on a bench, staring at the sky
In you walk, elegant and charming
Sit beside me and smile my way
I extend my arms to hold your hands
With an innocent smile and a toss of hair
You cuddle closer while I smell your air
With one arm around you,
The other lifts the face
A brief pause and you close your eyes
Our lips meet and in flows the energy
As our heart beats in sync with the kiss
I realize, I’m falling in love with you
The clock strikes a note, you push me away
Walk out my life, you choose the way

.. and yet for all the madness, a partner is just another person with a personality .. each of us gets to define “ideal” however we like ..

mine, as far as I can tell, is simple .. not plain, just simple .. someone who enjoys the day for what it is ..

Hidden in the crowd is the simple girl
who lives the life for the joy it beholds
Smiling and oozing confidence, she dresses bright and bold
her warm personality beacons me to caress and hold
Yes ..yes says my heart she is the one .. she is the one

  • an excerpt from the poem ["Is she the one?", Aug 2009]

many years passed between those two poems, and in both I was sure ..

Annie Duke would probably say a handful of stories is too small a sample to call it a pattern .. I hold that loosely, because it doesn’t feel small from the inside ..

.. and at times, love takes a completely new dimension .. something beautiful and crazy .. a craziness that makes people do things beyond imagination, like the emperor who decided to build a monument that stands forever .. a labor of love, chiseled in white marble on the banks of a river .. the beautiful Taj Mahal ..

An ode to love
a white marble mausoleum
a tear drop for a beloved
built for eternity bloom

I don’t think I’ll ever build anything like that .. the most I’ve done for love is buy a diamond ring on impulse .. not a planned wedding ring, nothing like that .. I was just walking past a store, went in on a whim, and walked out with a surprise purchase ..

to be continued .. dark love, stupid love